From Clueless to Collaborative: How to Start Sharing the Load at Home
You’re on board… now what?!
So, you’ve realized something’s off.
Maybe you’ve learned about the mental load, emotional labor, or the invisible work it takes to keep a household functioning—and now you’re on board.
You want less resentment, more balance, and a deeper connection with your partner or cohabitants. But where do you start?
If you're asking yourself "How do I show up better?" or "How do I share the load at home without being told what to do?"—this post is for you.
Start Here: 3 Ways to Share the Load and Build Domestic Equity
1. Invest in the Mental Load
The mental load is everything that happens behind the scenes to make life run smoothly—planning, organizing, anticipating, and managing tasks. It’s not just doing the laundry; it’s knowing when it needs to be done, if we’re out of detergent, and if there’s time between meetings.
Start by acknowledging the mental energy behind every task.
Ask your partner or roommate what they’re managing—and how they’re doing it.
Download a tool like the Persist app (code DANGER30 for 30% off) or check out Fair Play cards to break down tasks and get aligned.
Set up a weekly check-in. Ask questions. Be curious. Take notes. Then take full ownership of a task from start to finish—including the planning.
2. Practice Emotional Labor & Self-Regulation
Emotional labor is the work of tending to feelings—yours and others’—in a way that preserves connection. It includes self-regulation, empathy, and thoughtful responses.
Try pausing before reacting in conflict. Take a breath. Ask, What does this person need right now?
Build your awareness: Are you feeling defensive, dismissive, or overwhelmed?
Choose response over reaction. Your nervous system doesn’t have to run the show.
Want to go deeper? I highly recommend:
Emotional Labor by Rose Hackman
The Will to Change and All About Love by bell hooks
3. Get Comfortable With Not Knowing
You don’t have to have all the answers to be an equal partner—you just have to be open. Learning how to support someone, manage a household, or co-create a relationship is an ongoing process.
Follow creators who model equitable partnerships.
Read, reflect, and be in community with others on the same path.
Be willing to mess up, learn, and try again.
Growth starts with humility. Let go of perfection. Step into partnership.
You’re On Board—Now Keep Going
Creating an equal partnership at home isn’t about chore charts—it’s about curiosity, consistency, and care. The more you understand the layers of domestic and emotional labor, the more equipped you are to build something better.
If you want to take real steps toward domestic equity, here’s where to go next:
👉 Download the free domestic equity conversation guide
Get practical tools to start real conversations and create a more balanced home life.
🎧 Listen to Time to Lean
The podcast where we dig deep into relationships, power dynamics, parenting, and care work.
💛 Join my Patreon
Get exclusive access to community discussions, extra content, and support for your growth.
📬 Join the mailing list
Get updates on No More Mediocre—my upcoming book that offers tangible, culturally conscious tools for building more connected, equitable homes and relationships.
Domestic labor is labor.
And you being here, ready to learn and do better? That matters.
